Uncle Tony

Dear Sawyer,

Your Uncle Tony always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What's not to love? They are superheroes who fight crime, make wisecracks all of the time and crave pizza. And they aren't so different from Uncle Tony, who grew up on Pizza Hut, was always ready with a funny comment for everything and was a real-life superhero who made so many people's lives better just by being a part of them.

I met many of Uncle Tony's friends last week and all of them said the same thing: Tony made the world a better place. Whether he was joking around to cheer up a sad friend, encouraging another friend to pursue her dream job or just holding a girl's purse so she wouldn't lose it at a bar, he always looked out for others and lit up any room with his humor and positive attitude.

Uncle Tony was truly a superhero because he was strong enough to maintain that humor and positive attitude even when he was diagnosed with brain cancer not just once, but twice. When GongGong, PoiPoi and I wanted to crumple into a heap onto the floor, Uncle Tony was the one who made us laugh and lifted our spirits when we were the ones who should have been doing that for him. His strength never wavered during his countless treatments and surgeries and even when his entire body was literally failing him and he couldn't even speak, he still found the power to give the doctors an optimistic thumbs-up sign and playfully stick out his tongue at us.

I will never be able to process this loss, the fact that I will never hug my brother again or text him about our favorite shows or have lengthy conversations with him about how crazy our parents are. It is unreal and unfair that he was taken at such a young age when he had so much more to accomplish. And it truly breaks my heart that you won't remember him and that he will not be here to see you grow up. Uncle Tony was my baby brother and I do not know how I will make it through the rest of my life without him. I wish that you didn't have to go through the rest of your life without knowing him. But if anything, Uncle Tony taught us all how to stay strong even in the darkest hours.

I miss Uncle Tony so unbearably much, but he will stay alive in everyone's memories and I will talk about him all of the time so that you, JieJie and GuhGaw will always remember what an amazing, special and undeniably super uncle you guys had.

Love,
Mom

Nursing Nostalgia

Dear Sawyer,

So many cute behaviors to document!

-I went to Pittsburgh for a few days to see Uncle Tony and when I came back, you were in the backseat when Daddy picked up me up at the airport. It had been my first time being away from you for so long and when you saw me through the car window, you immediately started waving at me and blowing me kisses!

(Not-so-cute aside: That same day I came back, GuhGaw later accidentally hit you really hard in the face with some Legos. And not too shortly after that, JieJie accidentally smacked you in the face with your bead maze. It's rough being the smallest sometimes.)

-One afternoon, I found you laying on your belly in your room, eagerly blowing a piece of lint across the floor. So glad we bought you all those new toys for Christmas.

-After picking up one of your books and putting it on the coffee table like I asked you to do, you clapped for yourself and held up your hand toward me to indicate that I should give you a congratulatory high five.

-You picked up JieJie's Belle doll and said, "Baby."

-We were playing in your room today when you picked up your old nursing pillow, laid it down on my lap and then laid yourself down on top of it. I stopped breastfeeding you at the beginning of last November but I guess you still remember nursing . . . and miss it maybe? I know I miss nursing you.

Love,
Mom

Snuggle Bunny

Dear Sawyer,

You are the total package: smart, sweet, funny and sooooo cute! You have started to take an interest in JieJie's baby dolls and often hug them and cradle them in your arms. When I ask you where your nose is, you point to your mouth (we'll work on that). When we go for walks, you point out every buh buh (bird) and che che (car). When I ask you to show me your muscles, you scrunch up your face and flex your arms. You like to push me down on your play mat just to help me sit back up again. You love to do somersaults and flips. You've learned to put your finger on your lips and say "shhhhh." You also learned how to say "GuhGaw." When you see me putting lotion on, you hold your hands out for some, too, and rub it in yourself. When it's time for you to nap or go to bed at night and we lie down together, you like to clasp both of my hands in yours and cuddle up against me--and snuggling with you like that is one of the best parts of my day.

Love,
Mom

Photo Fail

Dear Sawyer,

I have never taken any of my kids to the mall to have their photo taken with Santa. I will wait in lines for rides at a carnival or a table at a good restaurant, but I will not wait in a line next to Cinnabon with tons of tired/angry/stressed families to plop my babies down on a strange man's lap, watch them play with his probably super germy beard and pay $20+ for a single picture. Nope, that is one photo you guys will not have in your photo albums.

But then we went to your hair salon today for your haircuts and there was a real live Santa in the store, waiting for kids to take their picture with him. And so you did. Well, GuhGaw and JieJie did. You were so terrified of the tall man in the big red suit (as well as his even taller snowman companion) that when I tried to place you near him, you burst into tears and ran away toward the doors. And JieJie was so shy that she refused to smile or even look at the camera. So my kids' first (and possibly last) photo with Santa was not so picture-perfect:

Hahaha! Merry almost-Christmas!

Love,
Mom

Full Belly

Dear Sawyer,

Man, have you been cute these past few days! On Thursday morning, you were sleeping next to me in my bed (as you are every morning, sigh) and when you woke up, you kissed me lightly on the mouth. Yesterday, we went out to dinner after your checkup (stats: 32.5 in., 22 lbs. 5 oz.) and when the waitress knelt down and asked you how your dinner was, you instantly looked down and stared at your feet because you are so shy.

Tonight, we went over to my friend's house for a hot pot dinner and you didn't. Stop. Eating! The other kids ate for maybe 10 minutes and then ran off to play together but you stayed at the dinner table for almost 2 hours eating noodles and fish balls and beef and pork and more fish balls and veggies and more fish balls (you reeeeeally liked the fish balls) and then strawberries and pineapple and cookies. You seemed to want more even after dessert but Daddy and I had to cut you off for fear of your stomach exploding. Aunt Yuan put it best when she said, "Yikes, I wouldn't want to be the one who changes Sawyer's diaper tomorrow." Yikes, indeed.

Love,
Mom

Love Hurts

Dear Sawyer,

Today, you purposely dropped a toy car on my foot just so you could hug and console me. Um, thanks, but no thanks?

Love,
Mom

18-Month Update

Dear Sawyer,

Happy year-and-a-half birthday! The months are flying by and you are doing so many new things every time I turn around.

Words you now say: buh-buh (bird), whooooa

Sounds you now make: growls a la Cookie Monster

Commands you now give me: you tap your high chair tray when you see me with food and want me to put it on the tray

Vain moments you have had: you were crying one night after I took you out of your bath (you hate getting out) but stopped when you became captivated by the reflection of yourself in your hooded bath towel in the bathroom mirror (I'll admit, though, you do look pretty darn cute in your hooded towel!)

Other things you do now:

-run over really fast and give me a hug when I come into the room (I love it every time!)
-bite me playfully (playful or not, though, sometimes it hurts!)
-lay on your belly and flip through books for long stretches
-sit on your toy drum and look at books
-push your drum to the window and stand on it to look outside
-tap your crotch and butt when you poop
-scribble with markers and crayons
-behave so well during long, 9-hour car trips (we went to Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving) because you are so transfixed by cars and trucks, you entertain yourself by just watching all of the vehicles on the road
-insist on putting your books and toys back on your toy shelf before we leave the house, even if I tell you it's okay to leave them!
-automatically expect food when we visit JieJie's preschool classroom; at her class's apple party last month, you immediately walked over to the table, sat down and patiently waited for the food to be passed out as soon as the presentation was over--before any of the other kids even did it!

Happy 18-month birthday, sweetie!

Love,
Mom