Just Keep Swimming

Dear Sawyer,

We went to the Bahamas over winter break (and man, I wish we were back there now because it's currently 25 degrees in New York) and you had so much fun playing in the pool every day. You were the first one in every morning and even when the sun was setting, the wind was picking up and the rest of our family had already gotten out because our lips had turned blue, you happily stayed in the pool until the lifeguards announced that it was closing for the day. You really love being in the water, which makes me so happy because you were scared of it for so long.

When you were 6 years old, our family was vacationing in the Hamptons and we were all in the hotel pool. Daddy was watching MuiMui in the shallow end, I was swimming with GuhGaw in the deep end and JieJie was hanging out in the middle with you. You'd been wearing a life jacket but you had taken it off when we ate lunch and hadn't put it back on afterward. This is the part I'm not proud of: Neither Daddy or I were watching you because you'd been holding onto the edge of the pool in the shallow end the whole time and we thought you were safe. I guess you had started feeling brave, though, and inched your way closer to the deep end. You went too far, lost your footing and slipped under the water. Thankfully thankfully thankfully, JieJie saw you and was able to get to you and pull you up, but you'd swallowed a ton of water. You got out of the pool and threw up a lot.

I'm still so angry at myself for not watching you when I should have been and I'm so unbelievably grateful that you were okay--at least physically. Understandably, you were nervous around water for a long time after that incident. You went into pools at camp and other vacations, but you stayed in the shallow end and did not want to put your face in the water. At the beach, you always stayed far away from the shoreline, out of fear that a strong wave would suddenly pull you into the ocean.

Some traumas stay with you but I am so happy that this one seems to have loosened its grip on you. Over the years, I've watched as you've bravely walked further and further into the ocean and splashed happily in pools whenever you have the chance. You no longer feel the need to stay at the edge of a pool and you willingly walk into the deeper sections (and Daddy and I now always watch all of you kids like hawks).

Over the past three summers, you had daily instructional swim at your camp, but you didn't really advance much. So imagine my surprise when we were in the Bahamas and I was watching you play in the pool and you just started swimming! I'd never even see you float in the water but all of a sudden, you were not only floating but actually swimming from one section to the next! Daddy and I both watched in amazement and I felt so proud of you! You overcame your fear and learned how to swim! You are so awesome!

Love,

Mom